Artigos Relational-systemic perspective: the relationship’s therapy approach

Relational-systemic perspective is a therapeutic proposal that understands the client (whether an individual, a family, a couple) as a System which keeps relationship. The focus of Relational-systemic perspective is the process of autonomy, which encompasses belonging/separating, the development of awareness, choices and responsibility; the change of dysfunctional guidelines, acquiring a greater and richer number of operating strategies.

Some important considerations we can extract from this approach:

Choices: we are responsible for our choices: behaviours, feelings, thoughts, reactions… but quite often we are not conscious of that. The work of improvement is to see the facts, discovering how you positioned yourself to make that happen, and taking responsibility for these choices. By accepting responsibility, we remove the burden of guilt, the feeling of victim disappears. You acquire power and stay in control.

Development of awareness: the task is to become aware of one’s own functioning and its difficulties, then to develop a plan for changes, and thus experience new behaviours, attitudes and feelings. Becoming aware is not easy, quick or painless. But it is the first step into a development process, either individually or in relationships.

From the “why” to the “in order that” and the “how”: in the Cartesian linear understanding, the main focus or concern in the assessment of situations is to discover the why of the reactions and the facts. This is due to the belief that there is a simplicity in understanding the facts, that if we define what the cause is, we have control over the responses and effects. Systemically thinking, there is not an unique cause that triggers an event, but multiple causes. The assessment is very complex and requires a comprehensive look at all angles and situations without preconceptions. The intention of approaching systemically is to see “what” and “how” something “is happening”. Although at times we also take a look at the past, it is in the present that we work to understand the relational patterns that are taking place.

From understanding to change: in linear thinking, the desire is to find explanations and understandings. In the systemic proposal, the focus is to see what is happening, where, with whom, how. And so, seek new alternatives to reach change. In this way, more important than the contents and stories will be the patterns of interaction and functioning of the people involved, and the evaluation always connected with the moment and the context.

From victims and bandits to the complementary game: in the same vein, there are no victims or bandits. Believing that they exist is a simplistic way of looking at the situation which makes reality too delimited, the roles are crystallized and there is very little to do beyond condemning or punishing. However, seeing that relationship ways are circular, they are co-triggers; that the behaviour of one triggers and maintains the behaviour of the other and vice versa, everything becomes more complex. Depending on where attention is placed, the triggers of behavioural sequences can change completely. And that way everyone is a partner in the situation, completely responsible for what happens.

Without pre-defined hits and misses: When viewing life systemically, one of the first things you give up is the security of believing that there is a separation and clarity between right and wrong. The right is only right, the truth is only the truth, if we fix a look and don’t change the angle, the context, the configuration. Believing that you know what is right simplifies life, stiffens and impoverishes relationships. The right changes and loses importance depending on the angle from which you look at the situation. Making this concept more flexible allows you to deal more creatively and richly with life and relationships.

Circularity: The notion of cause and effect leads to linear and vertical thinking, defines executioners and victims and leads to a loss of mobility and flexibility in relationships. When looking at the relationship as a system, a circle, everyone has their participation and responsibility, everyone influences each other. It turns out that there is an interconnected web and not a straight line in one direction. Thinking and living life in a circular way makes everything more complex, richer and more flexible.

Pattern of functioning: pattern of functioning is the repetitive way that a system establishes to act and react to life and relational situations. Most of the time, it is unconscious and automatic. It encompasses what is said and what is not said, the way things are said and done, as well as all the nuances of behavior. The pattern of functioning appears in all aspects of the person or system. It can be seen in the body, in thought, in feeling, in action and especially in relationships. This pattern is structured when the child enters the family system, based on the way the family operates its basic pattern. In family relationships, the pattern of the individual is defined from the moment he is born. He is under the influence of the thoughts, emotions and behaviors of his parents and family, regardless of whether or not they are aware of what they think, feel or do. This influence bakes through what is said, what is not said, what is avoided, what is hidden; the way people relate to each other. It cannot be said that a pattern of functioning is good or bad, better or worse. What makes the difference is how much one is aware of one’s own functioning pattern, as it is from this that one can have control and make choices.

Responsibility: The process of being responsible means being aware of your desire, having choices, making your choice and accepting the consequences and results of it. Getting in touch with its functioning is becoming aware of how it reacts; and become responsible for the behaviors they choose to have, they are the reactions they have to the behaviors of others and even the relationships that others have to their behaviors. The most difficult responsibility is to look inside yourself, discover your feelings, your fears, your defenses, your alibis. With humility, but without critical or guilty judgments, one can reach a level of self-awareness that opens new avenues for growth and development. That’s responsibility.

Relapse: understanding that in every process there are relapses, gives more tranquility and courage to connect with the challenges inherent to the task of learning, changing and controlling compulsive behaviors. This understanding of relapses is a simple and concrete form; used to insert the notion of relapses during the process and the proposal to develop the ability to manage their own relapse controls. They: inevitable, desirable, manageable, preventable (possible to be discovered in advance and delayed). Inevitable or be life movement part. Desirable, as it will be through them that the progress and process will be evaluated. You get to know what is already consolidated and what deserves more care, more training and more effort. Manageable because it is possible to deal with them in a functional way. The ways to manage relapses are: knowing this theorization; when perceiving oneself in relapse, looking ahead, seeing the path one has to do, the process, the evolution; avoid looking back and forth to avoid thoughts of regression or disability. They are preventable because, after becoming aware of behaviors and patterns and training to manage relapses, the signs prior to their occurrence are perceived. As these signs are identified, things and situations can be changed in order to avoid or delay a relapse.